Murderous Lust - Chapter 2 : The Changing of One’s Life.

Murderous Lust - Chapter 2 : The Changing of One’s Life.

(The second chapter of the new version of Murderous Lust written by @nocturneeros !!!)

There may never be a time where he isn’t drawn back out here. He can’t put his finger on why his feet carry him to this place time and time again. There is a chance it’s that he feels free, separated from the rest of the world. With the stars twinkling in the expansive sky above him and nobody else around, the closed-off atmosphere that comes along with being inside while the crowded sensation of walking down in the city is both vacant, it’s easy to imagine that there’s nothing in the world that matters. It’s like time freezes, even. Nothing else exists outside of this state. Nothing changes. Nothing happens. He can think without feeling the need to check for the amount of exits in any designated location, not have to take stock of any potential threats, and most importantly — let his guard down, if only a little.

There is no need to keep an eye on everything and everyone around him. There is no need to worry about how he portrays himself. No need to fret over the fact that he feels unnatural here, with all of these soft nobles who have never known a true threat in their lives and are scandalized by the mere concept of violence. He needs to keep this meticulously-crafted facade up. The one saying that he belongs here, that he is of the same world as those who have lived in the City Center their entire lives. Often, [Name] reminds himself to keep some part of his temper in check when he feels hatred for some of these people clouding his thoughts. If not for himself, then for Lex, who has worked far too hard to get up here for [Name] to ruin it.

With Lex, however, he feels as though his ability to think has been compromised. The comfort that man brings to him is enough for him to think of nothing but how to make him happy, how beautiful he looks, how their future together will be. The basics of being in love.

How desperate he is for that to be the only thing he ever has to think about again.

The party has yet to be over. [Name] stares up at the sky, needing this break away from everyone else. Soon enough, this tiring gathering will end. The drinks will stop flowing, the food will run out, and one by one, everyone will make their excuses to pardon themselves for the night. Lex and he will be amongst them.

On any average night, he would stay down there, working the crowds with his husband as long as possible, schmoozing and chatting the night away. Networking is as important for those of the City Center as it can be for those who live on the Border. Who you know and how people think of you can make or break your entire lifestyle.

However, as the evening progressed, the atmosphere in the grand manor shifted. Though the celebration continued, [Name]’s unease kept growing, rising to a boiling point. He had to get out before he felt himself getting a little paranoid.

He couldn’t shake off the feeling that Liu’er Mihou and Sun Wukong were watching him throughout that party, and he worried that he had somehow caused them a great offense. The memory of that look in Wukong’s eyes…

The Great Sage Equal To Heaven is not someone he wants to anger. If he has caused them any such fury, he must find a way to appease them, though he would first need to discover what he did in the first place. He can not fix a problem he does not know. But if he caused it, he must figure it out on his own — causing Lex such undue distress is something he does not desire. That man is already busy dealing with so much.

“What troubles you?”

The smooth voice that rings out behind him startles [Name]. His body goes tense, and he glances behind himself, grip on the railing he had been sitting upon tightening. The metal feels cool on his palms, which would be enough to soothe him if not for the way his mind races, trying to grasp how someone slipped out here undetected. He should have sensed them before they even took a step through the doorway.

He is met with a view of the Six-eared Macaque. That doesn’t really bring any sort of sensibility into his ponderings, however. He had very much felt Sun Wukong’s presence when the two arrived earlier. That simian had a larger-than-life energy he would be more than a fool to miss.

Perhaps this Macaque here is of a different skill set than the other king. He hadn’t noticed it when distracted by dealing with Da Xia, but now that his attention was purely on the other, he couldn’t help but realize that the simian’s own energy and presence felt small, quiet. Not in that he was weak, but with the same stealth [Name] had learned for his line of work.

… No. Not the same. It would be insulting to compare them. [Name] is sure he could never reach the same tier of skill the warrior has. Not because of any insecurity on his own part, but the simple acknowledgement that this level is entirely inhuman. Something he will never be.

Still feeling rather embarrassed that he was caught off-guard, his ego wounded, [Name] ignores the way his face warms as he throws his leg back over the railing, slipping onto the balcony so that he can face Macaque properly. Once he is back on the ground, he dips at the waist, addressing him without answering his inquiry. “Your Highness.”

“There is no need to be so formal with me.” The demon sounds a little annoyed, though [Name] can’t figure out why. It can’t be because he was formal — he’s pretty sure one would expect that of a stranger. Perhaps it’s simply because Macaque himself dislikes formality? He has met people like that before. Whatever the case, [Name] will drop the titles if it makes the other content. “What caused you to leave the festivities so early?”

Ah. So the Macaque had followed him out here after noticing him slip away from the party…?

Such a thing only affirms the concern that the two have been watching him, and [Name] feels a bundle of dread twisting around in his stomach at the notion. It’s a sickening sensation, and he is quick to tell himself that there’s a high chance of it being due to reasons that may not be nefarious at all. There’s many reasons why he could have caught their attention. Perhaps it is fortunate for him.

He supposes he will find out.

As such, [Name] pushes his anxiety as far down as possible, responding with a forced laugh that he hopes sounds like weary exhaustion rather than discomforting awkwardness. If the demons haven’t been offended already, he does not want to do something now that will make his worries a reality. It’s disrespectful not to trust the one who protects the lives of you and your loved ones, after all. “Ah, I suppose I was just a little overwhelmed… It can get rather stuffy in there.” It isn’t normal for him to admit this. He’s sure it’s some sort of social faux pas to do so. It’s his default (and he is sure it is the default of everyone else, as well) to make up some far more socially acceptable excuse that ensures he doesn’t appear weak or not of this world.

It always goes back to fitting in with these rich types, doesn’t it?

Yet his tongue feels so loose around this man who is of a far better station than he. One would think the opposite should be true. It seems, though, that his heart is at odds with the rest of his body. It’s even more difficult to keep his wits about him than when he’s with Lex.

There’s a smile on the dark-furred monkey’s face, and his purple eyes are way softer than [Name] had last seen them. “Is that so? Keeping track of so many people can be a rather exhausting duty, can’t it?”

[Name] feels a certain level of antisocial dread that this conversation will stretch on longer than he had hoped, though his heart flutters in response to the charming tone the demon speaks to him with. This fills him with immediate guilt, as though he has committed some terrible crime against Lex. “Yes…” Hesitant to continue this line of conversation when he feels such a way, he shies away from the simian, suddenly all too aware of how inhumanly tall and imposing the warrior is.

He is also made quite aware of the fact that they are alone out on this isolated balcony, separated from the rest of the party, and his heart shapes up, abandoning the flustering sensation for a more sensible sense of self-preservation. His brain is happy to see its old pal getting with the program.

He is quick to start speaking again. “I apologize if I have offended you in any way, Liu’er Mihou.”

The gentle amusement on the esteemed simian’s face turns to one of mild shock. “Offended me? However would you have done so?”

…

While it is quite relieving to find out he has not earned the ire of these powerful creatures, [Name]’s face warms at the idea that he had spoken on an unmitigated assumption. Perhaps he should have kept it to himself for longer and waited it out so that he had more time to observe. It’s a terrible thing to appear silly and foolish before another. Both for his own ego and his social standing.

Knowing he might be toeing the line with what is and is not respectful, he decides to approach the conversation with far more caution than he had started with. “... I worried you seemed upset earlier. I must have overthought it; I apologize for stepping out of line.” He keeps his voice to that soft tone he utilizes when pandering to those he needs to get on the good side of. Which, of course, he is very much doing in this situation. In these instances, it’s far safer to be of a mild-mannered demeanor. He knows of Sun Wukong’s terrifying temper and witnesses no curiosity towards discovering whether or not the same is true of his companion.

Rumors are just rumors until they aren't. Those who seek the validity of the more dangerous ones are nothing but fools. There is no reason to tempt fate like this. When it’s meant to do so, Death will come for him all on its own. There’s no need to speed up that process.

The Six-eared Macaque’s brows furrow, though the monkey speaks again before [Name] can make an even greater fool of himself by trying to cover himself in a way he doesn’t need to. “You must have discovered me getting lost within my own thoughts again. It happens. But you need not hold your tongue around me, friend. You are in safe company.” That one’s debatable.

Unsure how much he can trust that, [Name] nods along, accepting Macaque’s words without (audible) question. “You find the party favorable, then, Liu’er Mihou?” he implores of the warrior, a tilt of his head following the question.

The simian leans against the railing, eyes on [Name]’s smaller form. “I do. The affairs you humans throw can be… endearing, at times.”

Unsure if he should take a compliment for a party he did not throw himself (or if that was a real compliment to begin with), [Name] carries on the conversation, knowing it might be rude to pardon himself. “I am glad. We were not sure if you would arrive.” He’d heard they never had before, no matter the milestone the party celebrated…

“It’s difficult to set up protections for the city during such large events. It is a great risk every time.”

The explanation sounds reasonable enough, and Macaque says it without need to think for too long on an excuse, so [Name] sees no reason not to trust that. They are practically worshipped and respected as the city’s protectors… It would be sensible to assume that kept them busy enough. Being met with that fact stirs the warmth of admiration in [Name]’s chest.

He always knew they kept them safe enough from outside forces, yet it was one of those things you took for granted. Growing up with that fact in mind made it something as obvious and mundane as the air pulling life into your body when you breathe and the running of rivers supplying you with the water required to go on. You don’t acknowledge those things until they somehow get taken from you — whether that’s from pissing off a demon, getting strangled, or a drought plaguing your lands.

“We are happy you both could find the time to attend. It’s been an honor to speak with you.”

Macaque smiles, his gaze staying on [Name] as he cocks his head. “... Tell me, you humans have your own little politics, do you not? The games you play here with one another to find out who leads?”

[Name] feels as though the simian already knows the answer to the question he asks. He is a being who has been alive for many centuries. Though he isn’t so socially inept that he doesn’t realize a leading question when he hears one, so he indulges, rather than shutting it down or acting standoffish like he might if Macaque were of a noticeably stuffy sort. “Yes. Why do you ask, if I may know?”

The amusement returns to Macaque’s face. “It’s curious to hear about. Perhaps you will enlighten me some time? I always need some entertainment. Working all of the time gets exhausting. You understand that, no?”

… Is he asking to see me again? Can I consider this a formal request? If I do, does that mean I have no real choice here? Can I not turn it down? Do I want to turn it down? It can’t actually be because he wants to hear of our woes for fun… perhaps he is planning something and needs insider information, then.

Providing the king with valuable information is not something that [Name] finds all too nerve-wracking. If anything, it’s a sign the attention he’s received may very well be of the fortunate sort. Being useful to someone so powerful may give him boons he could use well. “Ah… of course. Anything you’d want.” Dangerous to promise such a vague thing to a demon, but he isn’t thinking of anything but his own desires to help Lex fix up this city at the moment.

The simian straightens, amused smile turning into a smug grin for a moment before he makes his way to the balcony’s wide glass doorway. “I will rejoin the party. Expect me to call for you another day… Ah, I don’t believe I caught your name?”

… He never asked, did he? Right. That made sense. “[Name].”

“... What a pleasant sound on the ears. Expect me to call for you, then, [Name].”

After watching the demon leave, [Name] lingers outside, the buzzing of an overworked mind that just wants to rest filling his mind. Everything feels so surreal. It’s quite an effort to process that conversation and register that it was real. That it wasn’t just some daydream manifesting into a full-on interactive hallucination. Keeping his feet planted on the ground, he leans against the railing, turning his gaze back up to the night sky.

… What was all of that about? Should I really take everything he said at face value…?

[Name] is well aware of his tendency to overthink in some instances. His husband reminds him of it all the time. More often than not, his paranoia isn’t justified. He lives in a body reacting to a lifestyle he no longer suffers from. He’s struggling to acclimate, to learn new survival instincts, and yet it’s even more difficult to tell the difference between anxiety and a gut instinct now.

He used to live a life where it was better to be safe than sorry, where you were rewarded for that caution. And now he’s playing an entirely new game.

If this is just his mind running itself into a destructive corner, he will fumble this all. He’ll offend the simians and bring nothing but despair and danger to the lives of the people around him.

This isn’t a situation he can handle with any sort of looseness. He has to figure out how to reign in his overthinking and balance it out until he reaches an acceptable middle-ground of cautious but confident. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. If he gets on the bad side of those two, he will never find his way back into their good graces. He won’t be able to utilize them.

… Does that make me a user?

The wording of his own thoughts has him second-guessing himself. This… doesn’t make him a bad person. Not the way he was before. He has to be sure of that. It’s the same political game he always plays. The same one Lex has taught him to play. Everyone here is using one another’s influence and loyalties. Pandering, pleasing, dancing in circles. This is no different.

It’s probably just him being intimidated by touching this amount of power. With those two within reach, he’s more certain than he’s ever been that he can get this city into the vision he and Lex has dreamed of and been working towards for so long together.

… Maybe this is fate giving him a lucky break. Perhaps he’s being rewarded for his attempts to fix the foulness seeping into this city.

I need to talk to Lex.

His husband always has a way of helping him clear his head when he can’t figure out how he feels on his own.

With that thought in mind, he trails back inside and downstairs, looking around at the few partygoers remaining. It’s fortunate that the descendants have already left.

Forcing his way through the daze, [Name] spends another half hour or so speaking with the fellow lingering party-goers, entertaining and endearing, playing that same game of pander and please as always.

When everyone is gone and the only ones remaining are the servants busying themselves with cleaning up, [Name] turns on his heel, seeking out his husband. Upon finding Lex off in the dining room, he smiles, drawing closer to the man who had just broken away from another conversation.

“The gathering was more fruitful than I expected.”

Lex turns to him, handsome face melting into a cheerful grin. “Truly?” It’s rare to hear [Name] be so optimistic about anything.

“Truly. Liu’er Mihou… He seems to have taken an interest in me.” He still isn’t sure whether or not Sun Wukong feels the same way, so he keeps the conversation on the warrior, not wanting to spread any misinformation to his darling. “He approached me, even, near the end of the party.”

“Really? Whatever for?”

“He wants to hear of our ideas for the city.” That’s not exactly the truth, and [Name] feels the earlier guilt creep back into his heart… But Macaque did ask for him to tell him of human politics, and if [Name] phrased it in a way that sounded as though the warrior wanted to extort him for access to information, he knew Lex would take it the wrong way and be too protective. To protect him, of course, but [Name] can take care of himself.

A white lie is good in this case. I’m sorry, Lex. I promise I’m not betraying you.

Lex’s grin widens, posture straightening. “That’s great! I’m glad we impressed them so much. And you did amazing with working the crowds today. He’s probably impressed you held your own against his daughter.”

Holding his own is a very generous way to put that. He very much could have been killed with no trouble whatsoever on that girl’s whim. If anything, he’s fortunate Macaque felt responsible enough to stop his daughter from causing so much mayhem and a possible tragedy at such an esteemed event.

[Name] can deal with rowdy humans far more than those inhuman criminals. Unlike an upset human, the latter poses a serious threat he could lose against.

“Thank you.”

“I think we’ve done all we could here. Do you want to head home?”

“Most certainly.” There’s nothing he wants more right now.

Lex laughs at this, looping his arm through one of [Name]’s and taking the lead. They head out into the night, slipping into the back seat of their car, servants opening doors for them and driving them back home.

After such a busy day, Lex and [Name] spend only a few minutes exchanging some small talk and updates with one another before an easy silence falls between them, allowing each to drift off into their own thoughts as they watch the city pass outside, their hands staying connected. The feeling of Lex’s thumb tracing circles in his palm is both pleasant and soothing.

So much happened today. It was certainly far more active and unexpected than the usual celebration or gathering, so it’s safe to assume he isn’t the only one who didn’t expect today to turn out the way it did. Even Lex didn’t think those two would actually come.

Macaque’s reasoning for why they never showed up to the annual festivities had been of sound enough logic, though now that [Name] replays the conversation in his head, there’s an uncomfortable squeezing in his chest that tells him something about everything is… off.

What changed between before and now? Did they suddenly find a way to protect the city while attending the party? Sure, demonic politics must be a thing, given that the Monkey King exists, but…

Why would they arrive this year out of every other year? Did it really take them 500 years to find a way to attend? That doesn’t seem likely.

Maybe they were attending on a whim and had just been antisocial all that time. There’s so many possible explanations and truths that not knowing which one it is leaves [Name] on edge. These are dangerous entities he’s messing with.

He squeezes his eyes shut, forcing his thoughts to calm down. Not everything is negative, nor is everything such a detriment that it will bring him harm. He has to stop assuming things will turn out badly for him. There’s a high chance the simians have their own things to deal with and he just happened to catch their eye as an easy way to get what they need for it.

He can use these new connections to his advantage. He has to play this right. He can’t pay attention to his fruitless emotions. Those can no longer rule how he interacts with the world around him.

This is his chance to use his own influence. To contribute in the same way Lex does without relying on his husband for all of these social games. It’ll help him take some of the strain off of the blonde.

He can do this. He’s done far worse things than debate the right way to speak to someone. This is the least he can do to make up for everything in his past, to support his husband and showcase his gratitude for this new chance at life he’s been granted.

There’s no reason for me to act this weak. I need to get it together. Ugh.

Upon arriving at home, he climbs out of the carriage, his mind drained of the ability to be at its prime. There’s an exhaustion that creeps into his psyche, and he yearns for bed. He yearns for his husband even more so. The shower he takes with him has all of the sleepiness and comforting touches one might expect from a couple after such a draining day.

There will never be a time he gets used to this luxurious lifestyle. That is something [Name] finds himself sure of every time he steps into this place. The feeling finds him the most often when he’s dressing after these showers, slipping into silken pajamas and gazing around at the massive amount of space granting him the feeling that he and Lex are the only ones in the world, trapped in their own little bubble.

He has no idea how Lex managed this before they met. Maybe it was this sensation that corrupted these nobles, turning them into self-absorbed individuals who focused far more on themselves than the rest of the world around them.

He isn’t sure what he should feel about that. Pity? Empathy? He doesn’t want to let go of the disgust and anger he experiences towards their detachment from those less fortunate than them. It would strike down his motivation.

Climbing into bed before Lex, he sinks down into the soft mattress, staring at the ceiling, allowing his mind to go blank. It is a blissful experience. After thinking so much, he revels in the soothing silence permeating his own mind. These are the moments he looks for. The times where he can just… relax, blending into the world around him until he can’t feel his own body any longer. To feel nothing while becoming a part of everything.

What snaps him out of this state is the door opening, followed by his husband stepping in. Eying up the silky pajamas clinging to the handsome man’s frame, [Name] sits up, eager for the blonde to join him in bed. The soft smile on Lex’s face is enough to make him relax and speak up, his voice teasing. “You always take so long to get dressed.”

Lex laughs, then, yawning, plops down into their cushy bed. “Gotta make sure I look good every time you see me, yeah?” He leans against his lover, his right hand drifting up to play with [Name]’s hair. “How tired are you?”

“Very.” [Name] moves both him and his darling into a position where they can lay down without Lex needing to take his hand away from his head. Being touched like this is always so comforting. His heart is at peace. He presses up into his husband’s side as drowsiness catches up to him. “... We should go out tomorrow.”

It’s a muttered desire. A genuine one. He’s so mentally exhausted after all of this work, not wanting to socialize anymore, though also wanting to remain by Lex’s side.

“We will.”

That simple statement brings the first genuine smile out of [Name] all day.